Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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