I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize