Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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