you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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