If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
