yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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