i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
