I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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