Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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