Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
