I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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