Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
