i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
