The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
