As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
