apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
