Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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