He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
