I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
