You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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