Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
