it hurts more in the daytime
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize