he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
