so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize