pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
