Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize