god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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