I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
