someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
