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So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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