In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
