i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
