It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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