the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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