I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
