Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
