D3 body, D1 cock
I hate your face
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
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