She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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