u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
