The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
