is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
