She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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