a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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