Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize