you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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