My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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