another moral hangover. fuck.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize