note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
