He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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