my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
