We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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