You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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