so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
