or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
