Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you would pick up someone in the library
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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