OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
