I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize