we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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