OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
