What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
