I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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