Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
