There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
