You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
