my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
