the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
