Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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