So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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