Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
