So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
