I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
