And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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