she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
