Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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