Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize