why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
