I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
