drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
