Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
